Missing Christmas

For the last few weeks I’ve thought the Christmas Spirit had passed me over. I forced myself to get out the tree and decorations right after Thanksgiving, but I didn’t finish decorating until last night. I admit my décor is very scaled down from previous years. We don’t even have lights on the house this year. My husband says he needs a sky lift to get to the dormers.

I’ve spent a few hours shopping for what I thought might be the perfect gifts, picking out the right paper and ribbons to match the ornaments on the tree, planning dinners, breakfast, and who’s favorite Christmas treats we would prepare. We’ve practiced our songs for the annual Christmas musicals, prepared the cards, attended parties and I’ve even checked my lists twice, but the excitement is just not there. Why can’t I get into the Christmas Spirit?

Then yesterday someone mentioned that my kids probably didn’t believe in Santa anymore…huh? It hit me like a ton of bricks…I knew my 17 and 13 year olds didn’t, but my 11 year old daughter seemed to be holding on to that fantasy. Deep down I had noticed the doubting looks, the careful questions…she didn’t want to come right out and say it, probably for fear that her doubts were real.

I was feeling this too…I wasn’t sweating the small stuff as much as years past; finding and hiding the perfect Santa paper, emailing Santa the kids lists, or creating the perfect Christmas ambience in the house. We all “believed” as long as someone in the house wanted to believe. We did not dare crush the myth of Santa Clause.

Why? Because the thought of a complete stranger, caring enough to make the sacrifice of such a long journey, just to deliver wonderful gifts, brings great joy to the heart…both for the recipient and for the giver. Hmmm…sounds a bit familiar…the Magi journeyed for what turned out to be years, following a star, to worship and bring “treasures” to a child they did not know. Yes, there is much more to that story in Matthew…the wise men, as we know them, ended up returning home on a different route to throw Herod off the trail, and that child ended up being the greatest gift of all…our Savoir. So why do we do it…because Christmas brings so much Joy into an otherwise dark and evil world. It’s a season of Hope that life doesn’t have to be so serious, that smiles and laughter should be woven into every moment of life. And Christmas brings the reminder that Love pushes the heart to be more and bigger to the people we care about. Just like God’s heart for us.

So where is my Christmas Spirit…right here, in my heart. Jesus loved me enough to make the ultimate sacrifice in giving His life for mine, and I’d do the same for my children in a heart beat if asked. This Christmas we will go on pretending. We will give to each other, and to others who need it more than we do. We will read the Christmas story in Matthew & Luke and the story of St. Nicholas…we will celebrate with most of our usual traditions, and maybe start a few new ones for this new chapter being written in our lives…after I cry for a while.

Matthew 2:11…they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh.